I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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