i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
