She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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