sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize