ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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