that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
