While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
