I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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