You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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