I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
