I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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