matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
