My sheets look like a crime scene.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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