Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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