I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
