You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
