They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
