chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
