If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize