It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
