i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
