So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
