I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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