He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
