The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
