I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
