I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
from now on my penis is your penis
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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