You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
