Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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