i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
