I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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