Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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