also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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