I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
