4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
