Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
