watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I touched a dick in church today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
