So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
