Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
