If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
