youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
