Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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