I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
