you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
smell my finger.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
