I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
