if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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