I could make wine with my vomit
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
