Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
