This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
