I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
