24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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