someone threw a dead crab at me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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