Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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