she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize