Your dad touched me again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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