are you still at the devil's house?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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