he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
