The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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