idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
