hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm passing your future prison.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
