buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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