but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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