my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
