alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
