She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
