its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
