About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
