How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
