My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
