Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
