It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
