nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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