Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
