I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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