Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
