HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just forgot I was standing up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
