so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
