you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Randomize
