I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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