I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
