I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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