I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
