Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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