sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
