so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
