Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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