Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
