Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wish my penis had a tongue
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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