She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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