She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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