I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize