Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize