Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
