It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
