Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
