dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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