Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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